'It was my shame, it was my joy' suggests that even though he loves his religion, it brings him despair and the use of the oxymoron could suggest that he likes being different although he doesn't fit in. The line 'it would not burst' suggests that Abse fights for his religion and will not give up easily. To back this idea up further, the lines 'give up'...'I don't know exactly why' shows that he doesn't know why he should just give in to the boys threats and violence.
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